Bitter Sweet

The sweet:
Today is Makaela's birthday. Wow! 11 years old. She's growing up to be such a wonderful young lady. I would not have imagined it 11 years ago coming out of the womb. She was so stuborn but now she is so sweet. We went out to lunch today then to get her ears pierced. She was so excited. It was as exciting for me to get to watch her. I really enjoy spending time with her. She is so much fun. She also is a great comfort.

Now for the bitter.

Dad passed away on September 16 at 11:03. I had the privledge and honor to be with him. I wouldn't have wanted to be in any other place. I wanted to be there for him. I didn't want him to be alone and I didn't want to be alone. My sister was there, too. I'm sure that's how my dad wanted it. The three of us together like it's always been growing up. I'm so thankful she was there. It would have been so much harder without her. I really enjoyed being able to spend time with just her (without kids) for the last few days of my dad's earthly journey. I miss him. I miss his laugh. I want so badly to give him a hug or to hear him call me, "Shan". I'm feeling very overwhelmed. I'm trying so hard to look outside myself but it's so hard when I just want to curl up in my pj's and tell everyone to leave me alone. It sounds so selfish.

One song that has been on my mind bringing me sweet comfort is "Be Still My Soul"

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.


I actually like this version.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_ZimguGSrA