My letter to dad part 1

Dad,

I miss you so much. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about you. I have so many wonderful memories of you and many things I've learned from you. I remember skiing every winter, playing darts and listening to ABBA. I remember black lights and posters of great skiers in our loft bedroom. I remember "Mares eat oats and does eat oats". I remember you blowing your nose off the ski lift and me grossing out next to you. I remember thinking I was so cool when I finally skied under the big chair at White Pass. I remember Sun Valley, Bogus Basin and Park City. I remember how much time you liked to spend with Susie and me even when we were teenagers. When it was your weekend to have us nothing came first. Old westerns, the Love Boat and Fantasy Island...
I remember knowing I could call you if I needed help or had an emergency. You always said, "I'll be right there." You never lectured me. I remember when I turned 16 you said, "You're old enough to make your own desicions now." You meant it. You allowed me to make my own mistakes.

Winter chill

It's been so cold here. We've even been enjoying the snow. It started on Tuesday night and it's snowed off and on since. We're supposed to be getting another storm tonight and freezing rain tomorrow. The kids have been having a blast. Brian and I broke down and bought the kids a sled. I won't say how much we spent because we're trying to be frugal. Okay, $35!!! Can you believe it? Target was completely out. We heard Wal Mart was out so we got this at a local store which is better anyway, right? There was only 2 left of the one we bought and 1 $95 sled. Sheesh!!!

It's been so nice to stay home these last few days. We were trapped in our own driveway until yesterday. We've been playing games, watching movies, making a ginger bread house, sledding and going for wintery walks. I love spending time with my family. What could be better? (that's a rhetorical question)

Christmas is right around the corner. Susan, David and the kids are coming down. If the weather is good we'll go to Zoo Lights at the Woodland Park Zoo in Portland and then out to dinner. I'm really glad they will be here.

This Christmas will be so much different. The economy on all levels, global, national and local, is really stuggling. We're finally able to call it a recession. It's been nice to spend so little on Christmas. It makes me nauseous to waste so much on "stuff" that has nothing to do with the birth of our Savior. We, as a whole, have gotten so far away from what we should be concentrating on. So there is a bright side to all this economic turmoil.

Christmas will also be different this year because it will be my first Christmas without my dad. He was such a big kid. He really liked Christmas. About a month before he would start asking if I wanted my present because he was so excited to give gifts. This still went on even when I was an adult. I can picture him now answering the door with a UW sweatshirt, jeans and his slippers on. I miss him so much. He would have been right alongside the kids sledding. I'm so glad for the many cherished memories I have of him and our family.

Is it November already?

Halloween came and went. I'll have to post pictures of the kids when I get it figured out. We went to the trunk or treat at the church. My kids have never experience "real" trick or treating. I'm glad. I would skip Halloween if it were up to me. I guess it is up to me. I don't know why we just can't celebrate the season. This is my favorite time of the year. I love the warm days and crisp, cool nights. I love the leaves turning colors. I love pumpkins and gourdes. I love watching the squirrels storing everything they can find for winter.

So, wow, our new President elect was decided on Tuesday, Nov. 4, 2008. It will be a day remembered in history. The first black man voted in as President of the United States of America, Barak Obama. There was a lot of tension, people registering to vote for the first time, picketing the Temple, (gay marriage banning in California) and tears shed because a black man was voted in a president. It seems that people are looking for a source of strength and power other that God. Our country is changing. I'm not sure how or what kind of an impact there will be but change is in the air. It is time to get straight on the position you hold. No more sitting on the fence. It's not time to worry about being politically correct.

The economy is struggling. The housing market is at a stand still. The stock market is dropping each day. Business is slow. I'm thankful Brian is working. I hope it will last through the winter. We're slowly getting out of debt and building up our year's supply. I will feel much better when all of it gets done. There's a scripture that has been repeating in my mind over and over. It's actually the same scripture I was given for my farewell talk before leaving on my mission. D&C 38:30 ...but if ye are prepared ye shall not fear. There's great comfort in doing what Heavenly Father and the Prophets have asked us to do. I will try harder to follow the counsel of Him who is all knowing.

Bitter Sweet

The sweet:
Today is Makaela's birthday. Wow! 11 years old. She's growing up to be such a wonderful young lady. I would not have imagined it 11 years ago coming out of the womb. She was so stuborn but now she is so sweet. We went out to lunch today then to get her ears pierced. She was so excited. It was as exciting for me to get to watch her. I really enjoy spending time with her. She is so much fun. She also is a great comfort.

Now for the bitter.

Dad passed away on September 16 at 11:03. I had the privledge and honor to be with him. I wouldn't have wanted to be in any other place. I wanted to be there for him. I didn't want him to be alone and I didn't want to be alone. My sister was there, too. I'm sure that's how my dad wanted it. The three of us together like it's always been growing up. I'm so thankful she was there. It would have been so much harder without her. I really enjoyed being able to spend time with just her (without kids) for the last few days of my dad's earthly journey. I miss him. I miss his laugh. I want so badly to give him a hug or to hear him call me, "Shan". I'm feeling very overwhelmed. I'm trying so hard to look outside myself but it's so hard when I just want to curl up in my pj's and tell everyone to leave me alone. It sounds so selfish.

One song that has been on my mind bringing me sweet comfort is "Be Still My Soul"

1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.


I actually like this version.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_ZimguGSrA

We've been trying to spend fun quality time with the kids since dear husband is only home on the weekends. We stayed the night in Portland one night at the Embassy Suites, a much need get away. It was only for a night but felt like a week. The next weekend was the 4th of July so we went to a flag raising ceremony and pancake breakfast at our church. We took my dad and had a good time. We also spend some time at Lake Sacajawea on Saturday. It was crazy. People everywhere. There was barely enough room to take a full step while walking. Geesh. Not my idea of a good time. Last weekend we went swimming then took the kids to a small town across the river for Rainier Days. What fun. We watched the fireworks-totally awesome!!! We all had such a good time.

This weekend family is coming from Central Washington. It is my mother-in-law's 70 birthday. I'm not exactly sure what all we're doing but I know all of the local siblings plus the ones from CW will be going out to a restaurant for dinner. Hopefully we can fit something in with just our little family-like swimming or bowling or some other active thing.

My dad is not doing well. I hesitate to write anything because it's so real that way. His tumors are growing and the drs. say it won't be long for him. He certainly hasn't given up which has been so reassuring to me. As I watch his health decline I can't help but miss MY dad. The man who never seemed to get older. The one who never looked his age until this disease took over his body. The one who came to every soccer game, every birthday party, every celebration of my kids'. The one who loved skiing, biking and hiking. The one who still acted like an 8 year old boy every time he passed gas. The one who helped build our block retaining wall when he was 74 years old.

I love my dad. I will miss him so much. I will miss so many different things about him. I will miss my kids being able to spend time with their grandpa. I will miss seeing him on his front steps drinking a beer after doing his yard work. I will miss his big smile.

I am thankful for such a great dad. I am thankful for his honesty, his integrity, his hard work and his love. I am grateful for my memories.

I can't believe it's almost the 4th of July. Time is flying by now that were taking a break from school for a couple weeks. We were only going to take 1 week off but this week has turned out to be busier that I had planned. Lots of vinyl orders, swimming lessons, paper route and trying to get caught up on house cleaning.

Another week without Brian

Well, Brian's gone again. This single parenting stuff is for the birds. Actually, it's for no one. We had a great weekend with him and I'm very grateful we got to spend time with him. We took the children to Portland for the night. We went out for dinner, to the mall (for the kids) and went swimming. We also went to Bob's Red Mill and Costco for some food storage. It was relaxing and SO nice to get away. I tend to get a little anxious about things so having nothing to get anxious about was a relief.

Brian had the opportunity to speak in church on Sunday and did a wonderful job. He such an awesome man. I still can't believe I am so blessed to have him as my Eternal Companion. He's gentle, kind, loving, funny, full of life and a wonderful father. Anyway...his talk was about "Safety in Counsel " taken from the First Presidency message this month. This is such a great article. I would encourage you to read it.

What influences am I listening to? Am I choosing to listen to Heavenly Father? Am I choosing His guidence? What are my priorities? Do I listen to my church leaders or do I pick and choose what I want to follow?